The Stories You're Telling Yourself Are Holding You Back, This Is How You Can Change That

We all have stories we tell ourselves. 

These are internal narratives that shape how we see ourselves, our relationships, and the world around us. These stories are often so ingrained in our thinking that we don’t even realise they’re there. But what happens when the stories we’ve been holding onto no longer serve us?

For many of us, these mental narratives can be deeply connected to feelings of doubt, inadequacy, or fear. They can show up in our personal lives, our careers, and even in our self-perception. But the good news is that these stories are not set in stone. They can be identified, challenged, and rewritten.

The stories we tell ourselves are essentially the beliefs we’ve adopted over time about who we are and how we operate in the world. Sometimes these stories are empowering, but more often than not, they’re limiting. These narratives can hold us back, prevent us from taking risks, or keep us stuck in cycles of negative thinking.

For example, you might find yourself thinking

"I’m not good enough to apply for that promotion."

"I’m always the one who has to take care of everything."

"If I put my needs first, I’m being selfish."

These thoughts may seem like facts, but they are stories, constructed from past experiences, societal pressures, and often, deep-rooted fears.

We all have multiple stories we tell ourselves, here's one of mine? Growing up, I was always told I was smart, and I deeply valued that about myself. Getting good grades in school reinforced this belief, and I went out into the world with ambition and confidence, certain of where my life would go. But, as we all know, life doesn’t always unfold the way we plan.

When I moved back to South Africa from the UK in 2018, I was a new mom, navigating not only motherhood but also trying to find my place in a new country. I was so sure that because I was smart, I would have no problem picking up where I left off and finding work. But to my surprise, things didn’t go as smoothly as I had hoped. I struggled to find a job, and this shook my belief in myself. I started questioning whether being "smart" was enough.

It was a difficult time, and I found myself grappling with feelings of inadequacy. I had always tied so much of my self-worth to my intelligence and ability to succeed, but when things didn’t work out the way I’d envisioned, I began telling myself a different story, that I wasn’t good enough, there was something wrong with me and that my intelligence wasn’t enough.

However, through this period of reflection, I confronted these limiting beliefs. I realised that I was still holding onto a narrative that no longer fit my reality. Slowly, I started to shift my thinking. I realised that while my intelligence is an asset, it wasn’t the only thing that defined me. I began believing in my resilience, adaptability, and creativity. Through this liberating experience, I discovered new ways to approach my life, setting off on a journey that led me to starting Mental Pulse and iNtombi.

This process of rewriting my own story helped me tap into strengths I didn’t even know I had, and I found renewed fulfillment in creating something meaningful. It’s been an ongoing journey, but I’ve learned that the stories we tell ourselves can either limit us or set us free.

You might be asking yourself but why do we hold on to these stories? We often cling to these mental narratives because they feel safe. Even if they’re limiting, they are familiar, and stepping outside of them can feel uncomfortable or even risky. These stories often stem from early experiences or cultural expectations, shaping how we perceive ourselves and the roles we take on. These stories can become mental barriers that impact our confidence, decision-making, and overall well-being. But here’s the thing, just because a story feels true doesn’t mean it is true and you have the power to change these stories, this is how you do it.

Learn how to identify the stories you are telling yourself. The first step to changing these limiting narratives is to identify them. 

Firstly, pay attention to your inner dialogue. Become aware of the thoughts that frequently pop into your head, especially when you’re faced with challenges or decisions. What do you tell yourself when something doesn’t go as planned? Do you say things like, “I knew I’d mess this up” or “This always happens to me”?

These repetitive thoughts often point to underlying stories you’ve been telling yourself for years.

Another way is to notice the patterns in your beliefs. Look for recurring themes in your thoughts. Are you always second-guessing your abilities at work? Do you feel like you need to be perfect to be worthy of love or success? These patterns highlight the stories you’ve internalised about your capabilities, worth, or role in different areas of your life.

Consider how these narratives are affecting your life. Are they stopping you from going after opportunities? Are they causing you to overextend yourself or shrink away from your true desires? Identifying the ways in which these stories limit you can be a powerful motivator to rewrite them.

Once you’ve identified the mental narratives holding you back, it’s time to rewrite them in a way that serves you. Here are two ways to help you do just that. 

Firstly, challenge your story. Ask yourself, Is this really true? Often, the stories we tell ourselves are based on assumptions rather than facts. For example, if your narrative is “I’m not good enough for that promotion,” challenge it by reflecting on your accomplishments, strengths, and skills. Have you been told this, or is it a story you’ve constructed out of fear?

Secondly, flip the script. Take the negative belief and flip it into something empowering. If your story is “I always have to do everything myself,” rewrite it as, “I deserve help, and I can delegate tasks to others.” If your story is “I’m not good enough,” flip it to “I am capable, and I have everything I need to succeed.” The more you practice telling yourself a new story, the more it will become your reality.

Rewriting your internal story is about reclaiming the power over your own life. It’s about letting go of limiting beliefs and embracing the possibility of growth, success, and fulfillment. When you take control of your narrative, you stop letting old stories dictate your future.

As you go on this journey, understand that the old beliefs and narratives will still show up from time to time. You may find yourself slipping into familiar patterns of doubt or fear, and that’s okay. These moments aren’t signs of failure, they’re part of the process of rewriting your story. When they do arise, confront them with self-compassion. Remind yourself that you’re in the midst of transformation, and just because the old narrative shows up, it doesn’t mean you’re back at square one. It’s simply a chance to reaffirm your new beliefs and keep moving forward.

Identifying and rewriting the stories you tell yourself is one of the most empowering things you can do. It’s a process of unlearning and relearning, of shedding the weight of old beliefs and stepping into a new version of yourself, one that is capable, worthy, and whole.

The stories you tell yourself shape your reality. Make sure they are stories that lift you up, not ones that hold you back.

Wellness wishes,

Mmakgabo